Aleksey R. Dec 17th
It was during April, as I recall, that the Tsar ordered us to visit Khiva, and as I was enslaved and tortured by the Great Khan, I kept recording the days gone by. I am a free man now but I have seen much blood and felt too much pain and fear to be alive. I can breathe and speak, I could even view the most beautiful skies and lands but I am dead inside. I have seen my commander and major executed brutally and my fellow soldiers tortured inhumanely- their heads stuffed with straw whilst they blow their last breaths- yet even though I am lucky to be breathing, I do not feel so. I ran away into the vast desert whilst being sold off to Asian slave traders- how astonished they were seeing foreigners being sold as slaves! The Khiveans regard this man-slaughtering as a sport, something entertaining to witness…what barbarism.
How selfish of The Tsar to send us into Khiva and expect that the Khan would submit to us by mere force; I believe that he fully knows how we would end up, dead and used as food to feed their livestock. Bekovich has told us the real purpose of The Tsar wanting The Khan’s support; he said The Tsar has heard the great treasures and wonders that lie inside a land called “India”. Within that land, spices of rich textures are grown and vast amounts of precious gold can be found on the river banks, this region where only very few Russians have set foot have been said to have deposits of legendary riches. I suppose I understand how this India would appeal to our Tsar; especially since he desired to rise so much above the other European lands, but what does he expect? Us Russians, we do not experience much hot weather and could die quite easily from a heat wave. I have also gathered some information from listening to the Khiveans speak of this India when I questioned them; The British have been said to carry vast amounts of gold across the sea back to their country, which would encourage The Tsar even more to get hold of these riches. How I wish I knew this when we started the expedition… had I known this I would not have left my other half behind. As I yearn for you, dream of you and desire to be with you, the days go by yet nothing changes but my growing affection for you.
I have been traveling past the vast stretch of desert for at least two months; every oasis I see is a beautiful paradise of an illusion. I could walk forever but I would never come across a real one. However, I marvel at the view before me; the desert seems to hold infinite amounts of sand, the vegetation is the most bizarre spectacle of all! I am in awe of how these organisms could survive in such an extreme climate. The animals I have seen are also quite stunning and very distant from our native animals, yet I do wonder where they get their water? Dear Tatyana, although this never-ending space may separate us, I wish you could see how enchanting this barren land truly is. Hopefully when the desert cats start to feed on my dying flesh, you would somehow obtain this journal and read that my very last thoughts were of you, even though I know myself that such a foolish idea is impossible.
I do not know fully the ideas and plans that have grown inside the clever mind of our Tsar, but I do realize what a dangerous game he is playing. Though, in our case, this game’s prize is much more than all the money in Russia could buy; an illustrious piece of land which has been sought after by the two most powerful countries in Europe.
